Why?
by Fujiko Kuwabara
Summary: Based on true events. Yusuke's best friend has committed suicide and all he can think of is - "why?" Rated for language and slight drug use.


This something serious that's been dwelling around in my mind for a while . . . It's based on true events. You've been warned. Don't send me any flames or anything negative, it'll be deleted. I would also like to point out out that I do _not _condone nor encourage underage drinking (even though, there isn't any in this story) or drug use (It just seems like something Yusuke would do, being a delinquent and all). This is dedicated to my friend, Lucas Havens. Enjoy.

* * *

Why?

That was the only question that repeated over and over in his head as he let the phone drop from his hand that night. It was the only question that plagued him over and over again the next day. It looped around and around, encircling him and tightening around his body in an invisible bond.

Why?

Yusuke leaned against the closed door and slid his back down it, collapsing at the bottom as he stared out at nothing. He pulled his knees up to his chest and let the tears fall. He hugged his knees, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. Why would he do something like this?

"Yusuke?" Keiko asked from the other side of the door, her muffled voice worried. "Who was that on the phone? Are you okay?"

Why?

"Yusuke?"

He stared at the cordless phone that lay by his feet, digging his fingernails into his shins in anger. He growled lowly through gritted teeth, shutting his eyes again.

"Yusuke?" Keiko repeated. "Are you all right?"

Yusuke opened his mouth to answer his girlfriend when a sob escaped him. Keiko turned the doorknob and tried to open the door.

"Yusuke, what's going on?" She asked, her voice clear through the opening in the door. "Something's blocking the door."

Yusuke fell over onto his side, curling up into the fetal position and sobbing uncontrollably. Keiko forced her way into the bedroom and looked around. She gasped and crouched down, putting her hand on Yusuke's side.

"Yusuke, what's wrong? What happened?"

"He's gone!" He choked out. "He's gone and his funeral's tomorrow."

"Who?" Keiko whispered, her worried eyes wide. "Who's gone?"

Yusuke shook violently, shaking his head as he continued to cry, a look of heartbreak on his face. Keiko looked from Yusuke to the phone and picked it up. Her eyebrows furrowing, she checked the caller ID. She gasped again and dropped the phone, her hand flying to her mouth.

"Oh, God . . ." She whispered.

The room was silent except for the sound of Yusuke sobbing.

Yusuke woke up earlier than normal; the sky turning a light blue and pale yellow color as the sun began to rise outside his bedroom window. He hoped it was all just a bad dream, but he knew it wasn't. He looked down at Keiko as she slept peacefully then got out of bed. He pulled on a pair of dirty rumpled faded and torn blue jeans he found sticking from under the bed. He shoved his feet into old holey socks and equally old and holey green hi-tops. He didn't bother with a shirt; his black sleeveless undershirt was enough.

He left the room quietly in an attempt not to wake up Keiko. He closed the door behind him and made his way to the front door. He left the apartment then stood on the railing outside the door. Carefully and cautiously, he climbed onto it and swung himself onto the roof of the apartment building. He sat there, his knees pulled to his chest as he stared up at the sky, watching the sunrise. A single tear skied down his tanned face as he listened to the birds whistle a bittersweet tune.

"Why?" He whispered to the sky. "Why would you –"

He wiped his face with the palm of his calloused hand and sniffled deeply.

"Why . . . just why?"

He tensed, sensing a familiar presence behind him, swearing he felt the familiar hand on his shoulder. He turned and saw nothing. He turned back to the sunrise. He stared at its beauty for a moment then lowered his head, grinding a fist into the dirt on the roof. He buried his face into his knees, trying to pull himself into a tight ball as he cried.

"Why would you do this?" He cried. "You could have called me! I would have listened! I would have stopped you! Why would you . . ."

His words disappeared into incoherent babbling as he bawled into his knees. Dirty. He was dirty. He felt dirty, smelled dirty, looked dirty. He needed a shower; he needed to get ready for the day. He needed to –

"I can't believe you!" He jerked his head up and shouted up at the sky. "I can't believe you'd do something like this! You never let anything get to you! You just brushed it off and kept on going!"

"Yusuke?"

He turned to see Kurama and Hiei standing behind him. He wiped his face again and jerked his head up in a nod at his two comrades, beckoning them over. They slowly made their towards the crying man and sat down on either side of him, their knees pulled up to their chests like Yusuke.

"How'd you get up here?" Yusuke asked to break the silence. "It's a stupid question, I know, but I just needed to –"

"You don't need to say anything, Yusuke." Hiei said flatly, watching a bird zip by.

The three young men sat in silence, watching the sunrise and listening to the birds sing. Yusuke buried his face into his knees again and let Kurama put his arm around his shoulders, pulling him into a close one-armed hug.

"I can't believe –"

"Stop, don't say anything." Kurama interrupted, giving Yusuke's shoulder a light squeeze. "We know exactly what you're going to say and we're wondering the same thing as well."

Later that afternoon, Yusuke wandered the familiar street that led to his old junior high. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jean jacket and kept his head down, his free-from-gel hair falling into his face. He kicked a rock with the toe of his shoe, gritting his teeth.

"I swear to God, could this day get any worse?" He mumbled to himself.

His head snapped up at the sound of something behind him. He was half expecting to see Komada and Kirishima on either side of him and Okubo in front of him. He saw nothing to the left of him, to the right of him or in front of him and but the oh-so familiar feeling and presence of his friend standing behind him lingered. He turned, hoping, praying.

Nothing. Just a gust of wind turning a pile of leaves and trash into a small cyclone. The wind blew the leaves and trash towards Yusuke's feet. He bit his lip hard to keep it from quivering. He turned and continued to walk on.

He stopped at a small convenience store at the corner of a street a block away from the junior high. He looked at the unplugged neon light that usual blinked "Open" twenty-four hours a day. He knew who worked there and why the light was probably off. He put a hand to the door and pushed, expecting it to be locked. It opened and jiggled a bell above it. Yusuke took a step in, opening the door all the way and looking around the store in an attempt to search for that familiar face.

"We're closed." The familiar voice said from behind the counter on Yusuke's right. "Didn't you see? The sign's not on."

Yusuke turned to Okubo sitting on a stool behind the counter, his head in his hands. Komada sat on the counter; his back towards Yusuke and Kirishima leaned against the wall behind the counter, his arms crossed over his chest as he stared down at nothing.

"Yeah, I saw the sign. I just wanted to see you guys."

Okubo lifted his head as Kirishima looked up and Komada turned, the three of them staring at Yusuke.

"Yusuke Urameshi." Okubo said softly, moving his hands from his face.

"Hey." Yusuke flicked his two-finger salute-like wave at the three young men as he scuffled towards them.

Okubo took a pack of cigarettes from a stand and slid them across the counter towards Yusuke.

"Here, take 'em." He said.

"Okubo, I can't. I gotta pay for it-"

"No, just take it. We know you need them."

Yusuke was silent for a moment as he stared down at the pack of cigarettes under Okubo's hand. Yusuke's hand hovered over Okubo's, hesitant. Okubo moved his hand and let Yusuke take them.

"Guys, I . . ." Yusuke trailed off, seeing the grief-stricken look on their faces.

"We don't understand . . ." Kirishima said softly, shaking his head. "It doesn't make any sense. It just doesn't make any sense."

Silently, Yusuke let the convenience store and continued on his way to the school. He climbed onto the roof, sitting at that familiar spot of his. He always sat there when he needed to think or when he ditched class. He opened the pack of cigarettes and plucked one, putting it to his lips. He pulled the almost empty lighter out of the pocket of his jean jacket and lit it, inhaling deeply.

"I wish ya wouldn't do that."

He turned in the direction of the voice.

"_Why?" Yusuke smirked, taking another drag of his cigarette then blowing the smoke into Kuwabara's face._

_Kuwabara coughed and waved the smoke away from his face with a hand as Yusuke continued to smirk and sip at his cigarette._

"_Those things can kill ya, man, not to mention they're not allowed at school."_

"_Honestly, Kuwabara, you're becoming worse than Keiko."_

"_Hey, shuddup!" Kuwabara shouted, raising a fist. "What's wrong with carin' about somebody? Not that I care about you, that shit's girly!"_

"_God, __man, settle down. And keep your voice down – you don't wanna get caught, do you?"_

_Kuwabara smiled, pretending to zip his lips with his pointer finger and thumb. Yusuke smirked then offered the cigarette out to his big friend, who shook his head violently and held his hands up as if to push it away._

"_What? You afraid your sister might find out?" Yusuke joked, putting the cigarette to his lips again._

"_Didn't think you were one for peer pressure, Urameshi." Kuwabara shoved his friend gently. "I don't want to 'cause I don't want to, not just because my sister would kick my ass if she found out, but also 'cause there are better ways to die."_

"_Like how?" Yusuke chuckled, crushing the butt of his cigarette into the cement of the roof._

"_Like gettin' stabbed by a light saber, I dunno." Kuwabara shrugged._

"_Light sabers ain't real, dumbass."_

"_Okay, then somethin' like a light saber!"_

_Yusuke chuckled again and stretched his arms up over his head then folded them behind his head as he reclined back, leaning against the wall. Kuwabara looked at him, his face blank as it usually got when he was thinking deeply about something._

"_What?" Yusuke smirked. "You gonna kiss me or what? Hope ya brush your teeth this mornin' and you're not wearin' any of that nasty lip balm shit, that stuff irritates my lips and –"_

"_Urameshi, shut up." Kuwabara said softly. "I'm not gonna kiss you."_

"_Oh, damn!" Yusuke joked as he pouted, smirking at his friend. "And I was lookin' forward for that slobbery fat tongue of yours bein' in my mouth."_

"_Ew, stop it! You're grossin' me out!" Kuwabara shoved Yusuke again, harder this time. "I was just thinkin' how much it would suck for you to die again, y'know, before I totally kicked your ass into the pavement."_

"_Like you could!" Yusuke laughed out loud, jumping away as his friend angrily threw a punch at him._

Yusuke blinked as the flashback disappeared like smoke. The cigarette dangled from his lips as the words of his friend repeated over and other again in his mind.

"_There're better ways to die._"

Yusuke yanked the cigarette from his lips and stomped on it, turning on his heel and leaving the roof of the school. He stood in the courtyard of the school, looking up at the building. Deserted, that's what it was. It looked like a ghost school.

A flash of blue passed by one of the windows on the third floor; Yusuke saw it in the corner of his eye. He looked up to see Kuwabara staring down at him, a half smile on his face. Yusuke blinked and Kuwabara was gone. He stared at the window for a minute longer before turning and leaving the school.

He checked his watch, sighing deeply as it grew nearer and nearer for him to say goodbye. He looked up as he crossed the street, a bright orange rose catching his eyes. He made his way briskly towards it, not taking his eyes off of it.

It stood out above all the rest of the flowers; thousands of tiny blue flowers surrounded it. He yanked it from the flowerbed and continued on his way.

He passed by the convenience store to see the neon 'Open' sign on, an unfamiliar man behind the counter. He knew that Okubo, Komada and Kirishima had taken off.

"They're probably already there." He mumbled as he continued on.

He stopped at a park bench to rest for a moment, to think everything over. He hung his head, sighing deeply. He heard footsteps coming towards him but he did not look up, he kept his gaze directly on the ground. A pair of familiar brown shoes appeared in his line of vision. He looked up to see Kuwabara standing in front of him, his hands in his pockets, smirking down at him.

"_Urameshi, you punk!" Kuwabara punched his friend in the head, laughing. "You didn't tell you me you went on a date with Keiko last night! How was it?"_

"_Man, why do you wanna know?"_

"'_Cause we're best friends, we tell each other everything, right?" Kuwabara asked as he sat down next to Yusuke._

"_Since when did we become friends?" Yusuke joked, smirking at his friend._

"_Oh, shuddup and tell me."_

"_Okay, promise you won't tell anybody?"_

"_Who am I gonna tell?"_

"_I dunno, Yukina maybe?"_

"_This is a secret between us, Urameshi, I won't tell anybody."_

"_Okay, so . . . we . . . uhm . . ."_

"_What?" Kuwabara leaned closer as his friend trailed off. "What happened?"_

"_Don't tell anybody, okay? I know I can trust you with something like this."_

"_Ohmigosh!" Kuwabara exclaimed, his wide eyes blinking. "You didn't!"_

_Yusuke lunged at Kuwabara, covering his mouth with a hand._

"_Shut up!" He hissed. "Ever since we met Hiei, the trees have somehow grown ears."_

_Kuwabara nodded and Yusuke let go of his friend's mouth._

"_You didn't, really?" Kuwabara whispered. "You're just pullin' my dick, right?"_

"_Ew, great expression!" Yusuke rolled his eyes, laughing. "I'm dead serious. Don't tell anybody."_

"_You're secret's safe with me, Urameshi. You used protection, right?"_

"_Of course, I did! I'm not that stupid!"_

"_Good 'cause the world doesn't need another Yusuke Urameshi runnin' around anytime soon."_

"_Just like they don't need another Kazuma Kuwabara runnin' around, either."_

"_Hey, Yukina and I haven't –"_

"_I know. You two haven't even kissed yet."_

"_We're takin' it slow!"_

"_Real slow, like a fuckin' snail. How long have you two been dating anyway?"_

"_Like . . . two months." Kuwabara fiddled with his fingers, a light blush spreading across his face as it usually did when he thought of Yukina. "I really like her, Urameshi."_

"_I know ya do." Yusuke smirked. "Grow some balls and kiss her."_

"_It's not that easy, Urameshi, it's not that easy."_

Yusuke blinked as he stared at the empty seat next to him on the park bench. He blinked back tears then got up and made his journey to where the funeral service was being held.

"Yusuke!"

Yusuke stopped and turned to see Kurama and Hiei running towards him. He gave them a sad smile as they approached him. His gaze drifted down to the bouquet of several different flowers in Kurama's hand.

"Where'd you get those?" Yusuke asked, jerking his chin towards the flowers.

"We bought most of them." Kurama said softly, lifting the bouquet.

"And picked a lot of them." Hiei said sheepishly.

Yusuke smiled and the three began to walk on in silence.

They entered the building, inhaling the sweet smell of incense that filled the air. The small room was silent except for the sound of someone weeping. Yusuke lead Kurama and Hiei into the room, cautiously walking in.

It wasn't a large funeral; most of the attendees were Shizuru's close friends and only a few members of their family had shown up. Botan sat in a pew, her arms around Keiko. Genkai sat next to her, stone-faced. Okubo, Kirishima, and Komada sat in the second pew on the left side, their heads hung and their bodies shaking violently with silent tears as they held onto each other. Shizuru stood at the front of the room, her back to the pews as she wept.

Yusuke's heart flipped at the sight of the open casket. Kurama grabbed his hand and gave it a friendly squeeze. Yusuke turned to his longhaired friend who lifted up the bouquet of flowers. He nodded and followed Kurama and Hiei to the open casket. Kurama set the bouquet on the foot of the casket as Hiei stared at the pale lifeless body inside. Yusuke avoided the open end of the casket, his heart flipping. He felt sick. He spun in a circle and turned to Shizuru to hug her tightly. She hugged back even tighter, her nails digging into his back as she inhaled deeply.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. "I'm so sorry. I should have done something."

Yusuke kissed his best friend's sister on the cheek, giving her one last squeeze before letting go of her. They parted ways and sat down in different pews. Shizuru sat in between two of her friends, their arms automatically going to her shoulders and their heads leaning towards hers. Yusuke took a seat behind the pew Keiko, Botan and Genkai sat in; he sat in the very back, Hiei and Kurama on either side of him.

A short man stood at the podium, clearing his throat. He began to read Kuwabara's obituary from the newspaper then read a prayer. The room sniffled collectively as the man spoke.

"Now, if anyone has a few words to say about Kazuma, please stand."

Botan bounced up, her signature smile on her face as the tears poured from her eyes.

"Kazuma Kuwabara was a beautiful, sweet young man with a heart of gold. I met him through Yusuke and I'm so glad that I did. The world has lost such a wonderful creature." She turned to Shizuru, who was looking back at her. "I am so sorry, Shizuru."

Botan put her hands to her mouth and blew a kiss at Shizuru before sitting back down. Shizuru blew a kiss back then turned back to stared down at her feet. Okubo stood, Kirishima and Komada following after.

"We met Kuwa – Kazuma – when we were in second grade." Okubo stated. "He was our fearless leader for as long as I can remember. I would have followed him anywhere. He did so much for us."

"I remember this one time in third grade where some kid dumped a container of yellow paint on my head." Kirishima said, a smile playing along his lips. "Kuwa – Kazuma made sure I was okay then dumped containers of blue and red paint on the kid then kicked him in the butt, tellin' him to never mess with his friends ever again."

A few people chuckled in remembrance of Kuwabara's childhood antics.

"He was such a great guy." Komada said, his head hanging. "He would never turn his back on anyone, he was always there to help anybody out with anything."

Simultaneously, the three sat down. An older woman –Kuwabara's aunt - stood up and began telling the room about a time when her nephew Kazuma and his sister had stayed at her house one weekend when they were younger, how they and their cousins woke up extra early the day they were supposed to leave to make breakfast for the household.

Yusuke watched as more and more people began to cry and less and less people began to get up and speak. The man at the podium cleared his throat once more.

"If there aren't any more speakers then we shall proceed with – Oh, did you have something to say, young man?"

Heads swiveled towards the back of the room; a few gasps escaped mouths as they saw who the next speaker was. Yusuke looked up to see Hiei standing, his hands balled up into fists at his side. He was shaking.

"Kuwabara was . . .I can't." Hiei said softly, closing his eyes tightly. "I can't do this. I can't be in here."

He opened his eyes and, hanging his head, quickly left the room. Kurama stood, wiping the tears from his face.

"We were very close to Kazuma Kuwabara." He said, calmly as tears skied down from his emerald eyes. "He will be greatly missed, he touched many lives."

Kurama left the room, walking briskly as he went to find and comfort Hiei. Yusuke sat alone, looking at the polished cherry oak casket that was across from him at the front of the room. He knew that people were expecting him to speak, waiting for him to speak, wanting him to speak . . . but he couldn't. The words wouldn't form; they just would not come.

The man at the podium motioned for the first pews to come view the body, to pay their last respects to Kuwabara. Shizuru stood at the casket for five minutes, crying, until one of her friend's lead her away. Yusuke stood; he was now almost the last one who had not gone up. Kurama had brought Hiei back into the room, a reassuring arm draped across his shoulder. Yusuke watched as the two went to the casket. He gasped at the sight of Hiei shaking. Kurama put his hands on Hiei's shoulder then guided him out of the room. It was now officially Yusuke's turn. The room was empty except for the man at the podium, Yusuke, the casket. He took a deep breath then stood at the casket, looking down at Kuwabara's lifeless body. His skin looked paler than normal.

"_Yusuke, I love you, man!" Kuwabara shouted, scooping the shorter man up into a tight hug._

"_Kuwabara, put me down!" Yusuke laughed as he squirmed. "You big oaf! People are watching."_

His hair, free from its signature pompadour, encircled his face. He looked as if he were sleeping, as if he would wake up at any moment.

"_That's not funny, Kuwabara!" Yusuke shouted, punching his friend in the chest. "You scared the shit outta me!"_

"_Not literally, I hope!" Kuwabara laughed as he climbed out of the bush. "I was just havin' a little fun."_

"_What the hell were you doing in there anyway?"_

"_I heard you comin' and I wanted to scare ya!" Kuwabara laughed again, pulling a twig from his hair._

"_You little shit!" Yusuke swung at his friend, but missed._

"_Gotta be faster than that, Urameshi, ya must be losin' your touch."_

"_My ass, I am!" Yusuke growled, jumping onto his friend's back. "Onward, my trusty steed!"_

_Kuwabara imitated a horse, his cheeks puffing out as he galloped to Yusuke's apartment._

Yusuke placed the orange rose on Kuwabara's thick chest, refolding his friend's hands over the stem. He choked back a sob as tears began to well up in eyes.

_Yusuke leaned back against the wall of his bedroom, sitting cross-legged on the mattress on the floor, the joint still burning in his hand. He looked up at the sickly-sweet smelling smoke that began to fill his room. Kuwabara sat across from him on the lime green beanbag chair, his knees bent and his arms resting on them. Coheed & Cambria blared from the stereo beside the bigger young man._

"_And I thought cigarettes were bad." Kuwabara mumbled, glaring at his best friend._

"_This ain't an everyday thing." Yusuke answered, looking the joint as he twirled it between his fingers. "I just do it when I need to calm down, so I don't do anything stupid."_

"_Why not talk to somebody?" Kuwabara shrugged. "Talkin' usually makes me feel a bit better."_

"_Well, that's why you're here." Yusuke gave his friend a half smile. "To listen to me spill my guts and shit."_

"_Thanks, man." Kuwabara smiled. "I really appreciate you trustin' me with what you gotta say."_

"_It's no big deal." Yusuke shrugged as he took another hit of the joint. "I'd do the same thing for you, y'know."_

"_Really?"_

_Yusuke quirked an eyebrow at his friend as he turned his head towards Kuwabara and nodded, a small smile on his face._

"_Yeah, man, I'm always here for you."_

"_Don't get all cheesy on me, Urameshi."_

"_I'm not." Yusuke shrugged. "Maybe I am."_

"_Maybe, it's the pot."_

"_Maybe, it's not."_

"_What if it is?"_

"_What if it's not?"_

"_Yeah, but what if it is?"_

"_But what if it isn't?"_

_The two were silent for a moment, staring at each other. Kuwabara smiled widely and goofily, slapping his knees as he began to stand up. Yusuke kept his eyes on his big friend, watching his every move._

"_Staring contest!" Kuwabara said, flopping down onto the mattress. "Right now, you and me. Let's go."_

"_No way, I suck at this – especially when I'm high."_

"_What, afraid I'll beat you?"_

"_You're on."_

Yusuke stood, looking down at Kuwabara's body. He ran his hands up and down his face then through his hair, grabbing it in handfuls as he stared down in disbelief at his best friend's dead body.

"Why?" He whispered. "Why would you do this? _How_ could you do this? I don't see you for three years and this is how you force yourself back into my life? By dying? By fucking killing yourself?"

He resisted the urge to punch the corpse, to beat it viciously.

"I said I would always be there for you!" Yusuke said, raising his voice slightly. "I meant it, you big fucking lummox! Talking always helped you, why didn't you – You could have picked up a phone, written a letter, came over! Anything!"

Kuwabara's smiling face flashed before his eyes, giving him a thumb up.

"_Oh, yeah! Take that, Urameshi! Kazuma Kuwabara is the master of staring contests!"_

"_I let you win." Yusuke jeered playfully, a smile on his face as he put the joint back to his lips._

"_Why can't ya just let me have one thing?" Kuwabara pretended to pout, trying to hold back a laugh._

"_You getting' a contact high or somethin'?"_

"_Maybe, I dunno."_

"_You wanna?" He held the joint out to his best friend, knowing that he wouldn't do it._

_Kuwabara stared at it for a few minutes, watching it burn. He reached for it and Yusuke smacked his hand as if scolding a child._

"_Ow!" Kuwabara rubbed his stinging hand, looking at his friend in confusion. "Urameshi!"_

"_What're you, crazy? Your sister would kill you! She'd kill me! You don't need stuff like this."_

"_You're a fuckin' tease."_

"_Ooh, language, Kazuma Kuwabara! You sure know how to turn a girl on!" Yusuke winked and put the joint to his lips again._

"_Shuddup. Can I open a window?" Kuwabara asked, sitting on his knees as he reached up to push Yusuke's bedroom window open._

"_Didn't really give me a chance to answer, buddy, but sure why not?"_

"_Urameshi, that stuff alters your mind."_

"_Yeah, but it won't kill me like cigarettes can. Would you rather I smoked a pack a day?"_

_Kuwabara stared at the shorter man; his intense eyes fixate on Yusuke's._

"_I'd rather you do neither."_

"_Fine." Yusuke held the joint up. "As soon as I finish this, this will be my last joint ever!"_

"_No, don't finish it. Get rid of it now."_

_Yusuke stared at his friend, the two locked in an intense and serious staring contest. Yusuke closed his eyes, losing, and sighed._

"_Fine." He repeated, stubbing the joint out in a clear ashtray. "Happy? I did it for you!"_

_Kuwabara was quiet for a moment before a smile broke out on his face. He leaned forward and put his arms around Yusuke in a tight hug._

"_Thanks, man."_

"_No problem." Yusuke muttered through a smile, patting his friend on the back. "Let's get some frickin' ice cream."_

"I could have saved you!" Yusuke shouted. "I could have helped! You coulda talked! Anybody! Somebody! This isn't you! Suicide isn't the Kazuma Kuwabara way! You would never!"

The man at the podium put his hand on Yusuke's shoulder, jerking his attention away from the casket. Yusuke looked at the man with tears in his eyes. The man smiled – the same calm, reassuring smile Kuwabara would give.

"It's all right, son." The man said calmly. "It's all right."

"He wouldn't do something like this . . . he wasn't like that."

The man nodded, looking down at the young copper-haired corpse in the casket. He gave Yusuke's shoulder a squeeze then said a prayer before closing the casket.

Yusuke left the room, shooting one last glance at his best friend's casket. In the other room, people were signing a big sheet of paper that was taped to the wall.

_For Kazuma_

It said in bold bright letters across the top. People were drawing pictures, taping photographs of them and Kuwabara, writing haikus and other little things like "we'll miss you!", "we love you!", or "we'll see each other again someday."

In black writing in the corner of the paper, it said "I'm sorry."

Yusuke watched as Hiei sighed his name underneath it and capped the pen, handing it to Kurama, who then signed the paper, saying something loving and strange that only Kuwabara would get. Yusuke looked the paper up and down; there wasn't anything he could write that hadn't been written down already. He took a green pen and wrote down the only word that came to him.

Why?

He signed his name then left the building, putting a fresh cigarette to his lips and lighting it as he leaned against the wall behind the building.

"Better ways to die, huh?" He growled, looking up at the sky. "Like killing yourself, huh? You . . . fucking coward!"

"Don't be like that, Urameshi."

He turned to see a translucent Kuwabara standing next to him. The two slid down the wall until they rested on the ground, their arms draped over their knees.

"How _should_ I be like, Kuwabara?" Yusuke asked, taking a long drag of his cigarette. "My best friend just killed himself."

"You don't understand."

"I _understand_ that you're a coward."

"Don't call me that." Kuwabara said, his voice eerily calm. "You don't understand."

"I would have listened." Yusuke sighed, closing his eyes. "Just tell me . . . why?"

"I loved her." Kuwabara stated.

Yusuke looked up to see the translucent Kuwabara disappear. He held his face in his hands and bawled uncontrollably, loudly until his voice was hoarse.

"All because of some girl!" He shouted up at the sky. "All because of _her_! You didn't this all because of _her_? Fuck you, man, fuck you! _I_ loved you! _I_ did!"

He punched his chest as big fat tears rolled down his face.

"You were my brother, my fucking _brother_! My . . ." He buried his face in his knees and whispered. "Hero . . ."

Kuwabara wiped a tear from his pale face then turned to Koenma.

"I can watch them whenever I want, right?"

"Yes. As long as they're not naked or in the bathroom or anything like that."

"You think I'm some kinda pervert?"

"No, I was just –"

"I was kiddin', Koenma." Kuwabara scratched the back of his head. "Just kiddin'."

"You can visit them while they're sleeping, be in their dreams –"

"Yeah, yeah, people are more acceptable and closer to Spirit World when they're unconscious or asleep, blah, blah, blah."

"So, you know the rules." Koenma smiled at Kuwabara from behind his pacifier. "Now, do you mind helping me with this paperwork?"

"Gladly." Kuwabara watched Koenma as he went back to his desk then turned back to the screen, looking at Yusuke as he continued to cry.

"You were my hero, Urameshi." He whispered.

* * *

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you need help, just call the Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1.800.Suicide. You can get help. People really do care about you.


End file.
